I never got to express my grief or to even acknowledge it. I am not even sure I ever will be able to let it out. Having lost Michael felt like losing a part of my brain. A very creative, comforting, chilled out part of my brain. The part that was responsible for my childhood dreams, the part that let me believe I had wings to fly wherever I wanted.
I hate growing up. The whole process that will never end and which I refuse to undertake profusely. Unlike Michael, I had a wonderful childhood. But just like him, I refuse to let it go, I refuse to believe it's over and I am making up my whole childhood universe all over again.
Which is why Michael will never die. Not for me. I refuse to admit it, I refuse to think of him as a mere human who can be killed by a mundane heart attack. A Romanian writer said: we are all immortal. We just have to die once before we become immortal. Michael has just become immortal to me. And with that, he's become more a part of me than he ever was when he was humanly alive. He's given me my wings back.
Nov 8, 2009
May 31, 2009
More on Society ...
As if this is supposed to take anyone by surprise.
Someone I know fainted in a tram. He woke to find himself in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Good thing he wasn't alone, good thing people reacted... He almost felt grateful, when he realized his mobile phone and his tram registration card were missing .
Now, should he have felt grateful all the same? That they didn't leave him come to his senses on his own? Or would he have preferred that to being robbed.
Human stupidity and opportunism is limitless. I can't begin to understand what those people were thinking when they robbed the guy. I hope they can't sleep at night. Cause redemption is too small a step for this type of deeds.
Which reminds me of a joke: some guy phones a radio station and says "I'd like to announce that John Smith left his wallet on the train to X. It had $5,000. I'd like to take this opportunity to dedicate this next song to Mr. Smith."
Mind-boggling.
Someone I know fainted in a tram. He woke to find himself in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Good thing he wasn't alone, good thing people reacted... He almost felt grateful, when he realized his mobile phone and his tram registration card were missing .
Now, should he have felt grateful all the same? That they didn't leave him come to his senses on his own? Or would he have preferred that to being robbed.
Human stupidity and opportunism is limitless. I can't begin to understand what those people were thinking when they robbed the guy. I hope they can't sleep at night. Cause redemption is too small a step for this type of deeds.
Which reminds me of a joke: some guy phones a radio station and says "I'd like to announce that John Smith left his wallet on the train to X. It had $5,000. I'd like to take this opportunity to dedicate this next song to Mr. Smith."
Mind-boggling.
Mar 31, 2009
You too should surrender... to the line on the horizon
The title makes no sense now, but wait till you hear this song.
U2 are back with a mesmerizingly fresh and mature album.
I don't even think I could start a review... it would only diminish the magnitude of it.
They showed me lyrics are back to what they're supposed to be.
The music speaks for itself.
U2 are back with a mesmerizingly fresh and mature album.
I don't even think I could start a review... it would only diminish the magnitude of it.
They showed me lyrics are back to what they're supposed to be.
The music speaks for itself.
Feb 27, 2009
Dear Clementine
Society is becoming so predictable. It might be just me finally growing up/old, or it's just that people have run out of ideas.
Last week I was strolling about a supermarket. Well, not actually strolling, but was moving from one huge fruit tank to another, picking my apples, and my bananas, and my oranges. An older couple came behind me, analyzing the quality, texture and firmness of the clementines. The husband muttered unsatisfactorily that he'd never seen such moist, small clementines in Kaufland before. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and, as the wife took the basket further to the next tank of possibly even worse citrus fruits, he grabbed one clementine, stuck it in his pocket, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed him. He didn't see me, he was much taller than I am and looked somehow above my head, as if I had been invisible or didn't count in the first place.
I didn't think about it a lot at the time, but I brought it up with a friend later on and they challenged me to think about it more. I don't know why, but I completely ruled out the possibility of the man being kleptomaniac. Probably because I have never met one and I can't relate to that. But I kept thinking about the gesture, the image of him 'subtilizing' (like we'd say in good ol' Romanian) that damn clementine. How would a small, moist fruit like that (with this much, I agreed with him) be of so much importance to him as to risk his freedom by stealing it? It would have cost him a lot more to pay for this gesture, than if he had actually bought the thing.
And then it dawned on me. As I went on through the supermarket, I started noticing all sorts of things I hadn't even paid attention to before: chocolate wrappings, peels of apples and opened bottles of soft drinks on the shelves. This was a trend I had never even noticed until that moment, when that man almost drew my attention to it.
Supermarkets used to be a fun place for me to go... back when they were new and the concept was a sign of high trust and civilization. I'd imagined a supermarket in third world countries were people die of hunger and thirst. And I imagined all those people bursting inside a supermarket, filling it up, not caring about cashiers and cash machines, and simply gobbling everything they touched. THAT was to me the difference between civilization and primitiveness. The fact that we DIDN'T starve, and even if we were hungry, we wouldn't touch anything we had carefully selected and placed in our baskets, until it was ALL PAID FOR.
That is civil consciousness. That is what the concept is based on.
But by becoming such a highly civilized society, we've actually merely and lamely returned to the cave era.
Last week I was strolling about a supermarket. Well, not actually strolling, but was moving from one huge fruit tank to another, picking my apples, and my bananas, and my oranges. An older couple came behind me, analyzing the quality, texture and firmness of the clementines. The husband muttered unsatisfactorily that he'd never seen such moist, small clementines in Kaufland before. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and, as the wife took the basket further to the next tank of possibly even worse citrus fruits, he grabbed one clementine, stuck it in his pocket, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed him. He didn't see me, he was much taller than I am and looked somehow above my head, as if I had been invisible or didn't count in the first place.
I didn't think about it a lot at the time, but I brought it up with a friend later on and they challenged me to think about it more. I don't know why, but I completely ruled out the possibility of the man being kleptomaniac. Probably because I have never met one and I can't relate to that. But I kept thinking about the gesture, the image of him 'subtilizing' (like we'd say in good ol' Romanian) that damn clementine. How would a small, moist fruit like that (with this much, I agreed with him) be of so much importance to him as to risk his freedom by stealing it? It would have cost him a lot more to pay for this gesture, than if he had actually bought the thing.
And then it dawned on me. As I went on through the supermarket, I started noticing all sorts of things I hadn't even paid attention to before: chocolate wrappings, peels of apples and opened bottles of soft drinks on the shelves. This was a trend I had never even noticed until that moment, when that man almost drew my attention to it.
Supermarkets used to be a fun place for me to go... back when they were new and the concept was a sign of high trust and civilization. I'd imagined a supermarket in third world countries were people die of hunger and thirst. And I imagined all those people bursting inside a supermarket, filling it up, not caring about cashiers and cash machines, and simply gobbling everything they touched. THAT was to me the difference between civilization and primitiveness. The fact that we DIDN'T starve, and even if we were hungry, we wouldn't touch anything we had carefully selected and placed in our baskets, until it was ALL PAID FOR.
That is civil consciousness. That is what the concept is based on.
But by becoming such a highly civilized society, we've actually merely and lamely returned to the cave era.
When people are free to do as they please, they usually immitate each other.
I got a very funny email today containing this saying and many more of the same type. Funny, at first glance, true at the second... and sad if you think about it more.
... Are we really that different from apes?
... Are we really that different from apes?
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